It's been a while since I have talked about our household budget, so I wanted to give you a little update.
Since moving to Fairfield in May, we have been able to pay all of our bills on time, we have eliminated credit card debt, and we've even started putting money into a savings account. Taylor and I are doing all right for now, and we will continue to take steps to ensure we aren't living in poverty forever.
And for that, I feel a little guilty.
I feel like I'm "selling out" for not wanting to live in poverty for the rest of my life. Even though I work hard everyday to eradicate poverty in my community, I feel like a phony for working even harder to bring myself out of poverty. Living in poverty is what has connected me to the low-income families and individuals in this community. By putting money in a savings account and emerging out of poverty, am I abandoning them? Am I still credible when I say, "I know what you're going through"? I know that this experience will impact the rest of my life and how I view the world, but I still feel guilty for wanting to live comfortably and earn more than $10,000/year. It's hard to explain--VISTAs, can you relate?
When people ask me what my blog is about, I usually tell them that I am an AmeriCorps*VISTA member and I write about living in poverty. But is that even true? Yes, I earn poverty wages, but I'm not living in absolute poverty. After Taylor and I pay all of our bills, we have money left over to save--and with my travel reimbursement checks from the Ohio Association of Second Harvest Foodbanks, we're able to build up our savings account even faster. Taylor and I still haven't splurged on big purchases (or even dinner out, just the two of us), but we're certainly not struggling like we used to. This is largely due to the following factors:
1) We still qualify for food stamps, which has freed up quite a bit of money every month that we would have had to spend on food,
2) We have supportive parents who laid a solid fiscal (and emotional) foundation for us to get started,
3) Taylor's contribution to our household more than doubles what I would be earning alone,
4) Our conscious decision to scrimp and save for the future.
So while my income puts me in "poverty," I feel like I am a mere interloper here. I know I have a brighter future ahead, and I have a lot of supports in place to help me get there. And as proud and relieved as I am to say that, I still struggle with feelings of guilt that many people are not able to say that.
Friday, September 18, 2009
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Kaitlyn,
ReplyDeleteOh, dear. Of course I can relate. But I think it's important to focus on other feelings than some misplaced sense of guilt, and I do mean misplaced.
Here's why:
First, we have chosen to live an independent, adult life. We have acknowledged that, compared to most, we were privileged to be able to go to college. Instead of being satisfied with a higher-paying, "safe" job, we chose to take the first step as an AmeriCorps VISTA in developing a career in social services.
I think steps like these will reveal themselves in so many different areas throughout the rest of our lives. We will be more grounded when serving and working in our communities; we will teach our children, and the next generation, about community service and compassion; we will always give of our time, which is the most invaluable resource a person can give. I have a feeling, Kaitlyn, that even if you hit the jackpot or landed a multi-million-dollar CEO job, you'd find a way to live in moderation. Don't sell yourself short, lady. You kick butt.